Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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