It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize