He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
