ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
There's always time for handjobs
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
