im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
