he told me I talked like a deaf person
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
