Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
