Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
