I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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