I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
