I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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