i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
