all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
