Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
