I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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