I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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