Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
