I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Randomize
