I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My penis needs a shock collar
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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