it hurts more in the daytime
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize