Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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