Grow some girl-balls and come out already
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize