Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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