I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
