There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
