she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
