i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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