Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
