i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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