When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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