I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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