I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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