i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
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