Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
