20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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