Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
