im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
