Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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