i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
