If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Randomize
