Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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