Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
