I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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