I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
