Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
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