Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
