Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
