Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
and you fell through a lawn chair
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
