I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Thank you for not boning my boss.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
