go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
