well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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