I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
