...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
