I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize