threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
