I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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