Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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