I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
