Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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