evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
