you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
