I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize