Is it normal to miss your booty call?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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