she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
