Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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