Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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