You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
