I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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