Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
