Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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