Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
