I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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