I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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