I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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