Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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