you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
